Despite fully acknowledging that Tony Platt (an English sound engineer and record producer) was meeting the students of the University of Lincoln to give advice rather than to criticize, the fact that he had had a professional and successful career as a producer made it harder for me to relax than I expected. I felt as overwhelmed at that moment as he had “recording a band like AC/DC, the main thing I had to do was avoid screwing up” (Buskin, 2014) when working on AC/DC’s seventh studio LP. I suddenly became very aware of my rather unprofessional preparation for this moment (I had simply leaped to take this opportunity to get some feedback on my music, even though I had known at the time of agreeing to participate in this advice circle that I would not have the time to properly polish my performance).
Knowing (and therefore sub-consciously deciding) in advance that you are not going to do your best is either 1) Extremely unprofessional, lazy and arrogant, especially as someone else’s time is being spent on you; or 2) A good example of self-sabotage and subconsciously fearing success.
As I certainly take music seriously, work hard and am very far from feeling arrogant (my biggest problem is not being confident enough in fact), but have grown to be quite an expert on self-sabotage, then I guess it’s fair to conclude this case falling into the second category. However, “by becoming more cognizant of your brain’s proclivity for using excuses so you won’t be held accountable” (Robbins, 2016) is a good starting point for turning fear into motivation (becoming more afraid of missing out rather than being scared of the success or failure). On the plus note, that is exactly what I had done. In fact, I was the only one of the 2nd year students to bring any material along.
On the negative side:
* I had not had a chance to warm my voice up and did not have my usual degree of power and control over it.
* As the song was relatively new, I had to read the lyrics off a sheet, which destroyed any emotional connection between me as a performer and him as a listener. I would conclude that it would have made a wiser choice to pick a song that I was more familiar with.
* My guitar playing hindered my singing (as has been told to me on numerous occasions and this comment was given by him as well), so the only way forward for me is practice, practice, practice (as there has been too long a pause in my guitar lessons).
As for the feedback itself, his main advice for me was to:
1) Figure out what my stage persona is.
2) Collaborate with other artists.
Both of these points I am already working on, but I was unable to provide an answer to his question about whether I want to be a performer or a songwriter. Ideally, I would like to do both, but as I explained to him as well: it is hard to choose an identity when you have not yet discovered your own potential and are unsure what you are capable of (meaning that due to my amateurish guitar playing skills and limited stage show experiences, I am not in a position to decide where my talent reveals itself more).
Identity-related questions bring me back to confidence: the main factor that best strives my success and eliminates self-sabotage when present. The only real reason why I am not giving clear answers to clear questions regarding my musical goals and plans and vision, is being unsure of what is realistic (some might call it self-criticism, others: lacking confidence). Being aware of this being the fundament for my musicianship, building it is one of my main goals this year.
References:
Robbins, T. (2016) How to use fear before it uses you. San Diego:Robbins Research International, Inc. Available from https://www.tonyrobbins.com/mind-meaning/how-to-use-fear/ [accessed 21 December 2016].
Buskin, R. (2014) Classic tracks: AC/DC ‘Back In Black’. Sound on Sound, 12(11), 1-3. Available from http://www.soundonsound.com/people/classic-tracks-acdc-back-black [accessed 21 December 2016].